Normally, when my (straight) guy friends vent to me about their dating woes, they give all sorts of reasons for why dating is so “bad” for them. Oftentimes they find that the women they like aren’t interested in them…and find the women who like them to be somewhat unattractive.
Some of their complaints:
- “I broke up with her because I think I can date a woman that’s physically more attractive”
- “She’s great, but she doesn’t have an ‘edge’ to her”
When I complain about my dating woes, I complain about how the men that I meet are WAAAACK.
A partial list of all the undesirable qualities of the men that I’ve dated (some are deal-breakers, others are not) —
- Emo/Clinically depressed
- Anger problems
- Self-centered/Selfish (ALL OF THEM)
- Lacking compassion for other human beings
- “Don’t want a day job” (even though they can’t afford to pay rent)
- “Peter Pan” syndrome
- Unsupportive / bad listeners / only want to be around you during “the good times”
- Definitely not over their exes / baggage
- Don’t like to date women that are smarter/more successful/better than them (at anything)
- Easily emasculated
- Dirty / don’t shower / gross
- Don’t know how to clean their bedrooms (their carpet is dirtier than their front steps)
- Lack ambition / easily bored / don’t do much with their lives
- Can’t hold a decent conversation over 10, 20 minutes long
- Politically conservative
- Extreme jealousy / territorial
- Erectile dysfunction
- Flakey and unreliable
- Fat/unhealthy – and don’t care about their health
- Can’t plan ahead (they only want to hang out “when they feel like it (in that moment)” – but if you can’t hang out with them at that time they get angry)
- Guilt tripping/manipulative
- Blowing up whenever there’s an argument
- Afraid of conversation/running away (literally – 3AM from my house)
- Blaming/defensive (incapable of being self-reflective / don’t see relationship problems as a two-way street)
- Selling drugs
- Lying about selling drugs
- Lying about whether or not they sold drugs on my first date with them (he left the movie theater for a few minutes in a shady ass manner)
…the list could go on and on. And most of these guys are in their THIRTIES. On top of it all, I didn’t find many of them to be physically attractive.
- One guy, when I said I didn’t want to do a second date, told me that he was crying and having a nervous breakdown
- One guy, when I called things off, told me that he was going to blackmail me in an attempt to “ruin my reputation” so that I wouldn’t be able to work in my current field
I have a good number of friends that are single women – amazing, gorgeous (like, stunning), well-educated, have great careers, world travelers, well-dressed, talented, intelligent, kind, (etc.) who can’t seem to find a man that matches up to their standards. They’re looking for well-educated (masters degrees) men who dress well, make a certain level of income a year, and have high credit scores.
And me? I’m not even aiming for all that. Can I just find a kind and compassionate guy who’s fun to be around and at least okay in the looks department? I’m not even asking for a guy with a job. Shieeeeet.