My Dating Complaints

Normally, when my (straight) guy friends vent to me about their dating woes, they give all sorts of reasons for why dating is so “bad” for them. Oftentimes they find that the women they like aren’t interested in them…and find the women who like them to be somewhat unattractive.

Some of their complaints:

  1. “I broke up with her because I think I can date a woman that’s physically more attractive”
  2. “She’s great, but she doesn’t have an ‘edge’ to her”

When I complain about my dating woes, I complain about how the men that I meet are WAAAACK.

A partial list of all the undesirable qualities of the men that I’ve dated (some are deal-breakers, others are not) —

  1. Emo/Clinically depressed
  2. Anger problems
  3. Self-centered/Selfish (ALL OF THEM)
  4. Lacking compassion for other human beings
  5. Homophobic/sexist/racist…

  1. “Don’t want a day job” (even though they can’t afford to pay rent)
  2. “Peter Pan” syndrome
  3. Unsupportive / bad listeners / only want to be around you during “the good times”
  4. Definitely not over their exes / baggage
  5. Don’t like to date women that are smarter/more successful/better than them (at anything)
  6. Easily emasculated
  7. Dirty / don’t shower / gross
  8. Don’t know how to clean their bedrooms (their carpet is dirtier than their front steps)
  9. Lack ambition / easily bored / don’t do much with their lives
  10. Can’t hold a decent conversation over 10, 20 minutes long
  11. Politically conservative
  12. Extreme jealousy / territorial
  13. Erectile dysfunction
  14. Flakey and unreliable
  15. Fat/unhealthy – and don’t care about their health
  16. Lazy
  17. Can’t plan ahead (they only want to hang out “when they feel like it (in that moment)” – but if you can’t hang out with them at that time they get angry)
  18. Guilt tripping/manipulative
  19. Blowing up whenever there’s an argument
  20. Afraid of conversation/running away (literally – 3AM from my house)
  21. Blaming/defensive (incapable of being self-reflective / don’t see relationship problems as a two-way street)
  22. Lying
  23. Selling drugs
  24. Lying about selling drugs
  25. Lying about whether or not they sold drugs on my first date with them (he left the movie theater for a few minutes in a shady ass manner)

…the list could go on and on. And most of these guys are in their THIRTIES. On top of it all, I didn’t find many of them to be physically attractive.

Bonus Points:

  1. One guy, when I said I didn’t want to do a second date, told me that he was crying and having a nervous breakdown
  2. One guy, when I called things off, told me that he was going to blackmail me in an attempt to “ruin my reputation” so that I wouldn’t be able to work in my current field

I have a good number of friends that are single women – amazing, gorgeous (like, stunning), well-educated, have great careers, world travelers, well-dressed, talented, intelligent, kind, (etc.) who can’t seem to find a man that matches up to their standards. They’re looking for well-educated (masters degrees) men who dress well, make a certain level of income a year, and have high credit scores.

And me? I’m not even aiming for all that. Can I just find a kind and compassionate guy who’s fun to be around and at least okay in the looks department? I’m not even asking for a guy with a job. Shieeeeet.


3 thoughts on “My Dating Complaints

  1. “Can I just find a kind and compassionate guy who’s fun to be around and at least okay in the looks department? I’m not even asking for a guy with a job. Shieeeeet.” <–Hahhaa that made me laugh. It's exactly what I want too. That's not too much to ask isn't it??? It's not even about being picky. It's about wanting to meet a decent human being. Not a perfect man, but a perfectly imperfect person who has realised he's screwed up, and has used that awareness for healing and growing, and has become a better man because of it. It's all about growing, and going through the growing pains… Not a lot of men are willing to go through that I guess? Something about men and aversion to pain…

    OR. We're just not meeting them YET. As there are still things we / they need to learn.

    I truly believe in the end, like attracts like. When we find out our partner isn't who we thought they were, we get to wish them healing and growth and we get to move on.

    I wish us the very best… he's out there, somewhere. I'm sure of it… :- )

    • Thanks for the comment, that’s pretty spot on! We think it’s not too much to ask, right? Hahaha! Yeah, I used to tell my friends that I just want a guy that is: 1. Not an asshole, and 2. Not ugly. It’s really hard to find a decent guy over the age of 30 that’s not a selfish, flighty man-child…

      And true, I know that many men have not been socialized to be in touch with “how they feel” and are afraid of being self-critical for fear of being seen as weak and effeminate…but maturing is all about becoming wiser right? Hopefully…

      My friend says that “love comes when it’s ready”. I don’t know. I think that love comes in many forms – not just romantic ones. We just need to recognize all the different manifestations and be grateful for them when they come. But shit…it’s hard rolling solo when all your friends are boo’ed up and too busy to hang out with you anymore! Sometimes I wonder if I should just get a boyfriend so that I’ll at least have someone to hang out with as I get older (and possibly more isolated)…

      But thanks for being positive! It does give me more faith in things 🙂 Wishing the best for you too!

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