2014 has been quite the year in dating.
Once upon a time…I “met” a guy on my Coffee Meets Bagel app that was pretty decent in the looks department but was just aiite in his written profile. There seemed to be a few red flags from the start: He’s a corporate lawyer (I do grassroots community work), he’s double-fisting shots of vodka with some bleach-blond girl in his main photo (I like bourbon), and he lives in the Marina District of San Francisco (otherwise known as The Land of the Douchiest Douche-bags in (what’s soon-to-be) the most economically elitist city in the US). Plus, in his “I appreciate when my date…” section, he wrote:
I don’t like painted on eyebrows.
That didn’t really answer the question. However, being that I’m a woman in my mid-30’s, I knew that I really couldn’t be too picky about the men that I date.
We proceeded to have a 3 hour conversation over CMB’s chat feature, which I’m pretty sure would have just lasted about 20 or 30 minutes had we just called one another to talk directly. I asked him a lot of questions because, well, he’s a corporate lawyer (working to defend the ‘underdog’ major cell phone companies) that lives in the Marina, and I wanted to make sure that we weren’t just wasting time. Overall, we did have a few major values differences (I didn’t say anything, I just observed), but he seemed nice enough and, well, I’m still single. Plus I like interesting and intellectual guys. When I told him about my Master’s Degree studies, he asked me:
“I like smarts girls. Is that you?”
“I work really hard and try my best,” I texted back.
“Well that’s what counts :)” he said.
Besides the occasional shortened spelling and classist comments in his messages, he seemed pretty cool. We messaged back and forth for a few weeks until we finally found a time to have dinner.
We agreed to meet up at a local restaurant on my side of town. This is pretty much what how our date went down…
To make a long story short:
We meet up at the restaurant and go inside. We talk, and order food. He comments that the restaurants in his city are way better than those in my city.
During our conversation, he suddenly goes off on some libertarian-like, pro-free-market capitalism/anti-government rant. I tell him, in a neutral way, that his arguments sound kind of libertarian. (I actually hate libertarians). He says he “doesn’t go by labels”.
Sometime during the conversation he says that I’m “very opinionated” in an almost surprised manner. I thought he liked “smart girls”, don’t those types of “girls” have their own opinions?
Later near the end of our dinner conversation, we find that we’re having a slight difference of opinion on some random topic. He says to me, half joking: “Are we having our first fight?”
“Um, I don’t think that we’re having a fight, we’re just having a conversation. It’s okay to have different ideas,” I replied (in the nicest, most innocent way possible).
“Have you disagreed with anything else that I’ve said?” he asked me.
“Yeah, a lot actually.”
“When? Why didn’t I notice? Was it because I was talking the whole time?”
So the guy calls me opinionated but doesn’t see me as being disagreeable. That’s just weird. It would be one thing if he found me to be confrontational, aggressive, or argumentative during our conversation. But to say that I’m opinionated but not feel that I’m being disagreeable? That just makes it seem as if he just doesn’t think positively of his dates having opinions.
Looking back, I don’t know why I was so honest in my replies. Maybe it’s because I just really didn’t give a fuck after a while. I tried to say to him, in the nicest most agreeable and pleasant way possible, that I disagreed with some things that he said but that it wasn’t a big deal at all. We were just two people that were having an interesting conversation about random topics. Having different ideas can be normal and doesn’t have to be a bad thing, right?
I guess not.
After dinner, he was polite but it was clear that he had no interest in hanging out with me any further. That was fine by me. He went back home, and I went back to do homework.
Later that night I texted him (out of politeness), “Thanks for dinner, it was nice to finally meet you!”
He replied: “Likewise!”
These older corporate guys, I swear. It’s like the older and the more money they make, the more sexist and stubborn they are. They’re the type of guys that wouldn’t even bother to send a courtesy ‘thank you’ note regardless of whether or not they’re interested in dating you. I don’t think they really want a partner. I think that most of these guys just want an easy-going subordinate that’s pretty to look at and fun to play with.
It’s okay though. I hope that, one day, he finally finds the right woman that’s “smart” (meaning that she agrees with everything he says and has no opinions of her own), who also has the humor of a 3rd grader and laughs at all his dumb-ass jokes. Good luck, homie!